Friday, June 24, 2011


So. I did it. It's been done. My breasts are now the size I have been wanting for too long. Well, hopefully. They are bandaged down and I haven't had the chance to see them yet. I can notice a difference though.

I cried before the surgery. I tried hard not to, but lets face it, I'm a wimp.
I hoped that they would knock me out before I ever made it into the operating room, they didn't. I don't do well with cold infamiliar places, especially when I know something big is about to take place. 

I remember when they knocked me out. It was like I was on acid (I'm assuming since I've never touched the stuff). There were a lot of colors and shapes and I had a really annoying song stuck in my head. I also remember feeling myself start to wake up. I remember hearing them roll me down the hall and hearing Nathan's voice when I was finally in my room.

When I woke up the first time I was still completely exhausted. The doctor came in and even he could tell that I was not completely there. The nurse tried explaining how to take care of the wounds but I couldn't focus on her so she told Nathan instead. I was so tired but I couldn't get comfortable enough to sleep. I've always been a "side sleeper" so having to sleep on my back has been miserable.

I was nauseous the first few days. The only other surgery I've had is my wisdom teeth and I didn't do well with the anesthesia or the pain meds then so I should have known I'd have the same problem. Let's hope for my sake that I never have to have surgery again. I have an incredibly weak stomach. I can deal with the muscle and incision pain, it's the nausea that just killed me.

The past two days I've been doing really well. I can move my arms quite a bit more and I've been able to eat things slowly. I actually went grocery shopping yesterday. It felt good to get out of the house. Today is the first day that I was able to get out of bed by myself. Before I would have to wait for Nathan to wake up or call him so he could help me. I hate relying so much on someone else.

I have to wear my bandage for 10 days. I get it off next Wednesday. They will also remove the stitches and drain tubes. I can't lift anything for 3 weeks and I have to wear a sports bra for awhile. Oh the things we do for self esteem.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Noah's Birth Story

I just put Noah down for his nap. As I was looking at him laying there in his crib, so adorable, I realized that I never really wrote about his birth. He'll be 8 months old soon.. I should have done that a long time ago. Oh well, I guess better late than never.

I remember the days leading up to his birth. They were long and exhausting. For months I was positive I'd have him early. I don't know why, maybe it was just wishful thinking, but I would have bet on it if the opportunity presented itself. Imagine my surprise when the day of my 40th week hit.
That day was very emotional. I wanted Noah to be here. We went to my doctors appointment. They hooked me up to the fetal monitoring machine but there were no contractions. After waiting at the hospital for over an hour, we were told we weren't even going to see the doctor. The nurse asked me a few questions and told me that if I hadn't had the baby in 10 days then they'd induce me. The thing that I just didn't understand was why on earth they'd wait that long when throughout my pregnancy they told me that our baby was going to be a big one. I didn't have much say so we went home and I sat around all day feeling sorry for myself. Pathetic I know, but I was done. I didn't want to be pregnant anymore.

After Nathan got off work he convinced me to go walk around with him. We went to Hela and just kind of browsed. Then we went and picked up a few more things that we needed for Noah from the B.X. and then FINALLY got a chair for the nursery. It was one of the last things we needed. I was happy to be able to feel ready. Maybe that is what was wrong, I didn't feel ready and neither did Noah. Or maybe it was the miles of walking we did that night, what it was, things finally started to happen.
I woke up at 5 am feeling sharp pains running down my stomach. Days before, I had thought I had minor contractions but they ended up being Braxton Hicks. After a few minutes I chalked these up to be the same. I tried to go back to sleep but after about 20 minutes of the same thing I realized that these were real. I didn't want Nathan to have to wake up so early, especially if I wasn't in hard labor. I layed in bed until about 5:45 just counting the minutes between my contractions. They started at about 6 minutes and by the time I woke Nathan up they were at about 4 minutes apart. I took a quick shower and while I was in there I realized that the contractions were getting a little harder and were now 3 minutes apart. I was really nervous because the video I had watched said that if you get to 2 minutes apart the baby is very close. The hospital that I was having my prenatal care at was about 25 minutes away. I didn't want to deliver in the car (little did I know, I was far from it) so I hurried and got dressed and made sure everything was in order. We grabbed what we needed, Nathan called his mom, and we were out the door by 6:30 am. We got to the hospital a little before 7. My contractions weren't too bad, I was able to walk, but I felt them coming stronger and stronger.
The midwife hooked me up to the fetal monitor and checked to see if I was dialated. I thought for sure that within the next two hours I'd have the baby. I mean come on.. my contractions were so close together. I'll remember how wrong I was the next time I have a baby. The nurse informed me that I was 1 cm dialated (WHAT!!!! not possible) and that I needed to go walk around for a little bit. One of the nurses set me up in a room and me, Nathan, and my mom started walking around the halls. After about 20 minutes of stopping every 30 seconds to rest, I decided that this wasn't going to work for me. I was in so much pain, I literally couldn't walk anymore. I had to sit down. We went back to my room where I switched between sitting in the chair, sitting on the bed, laying on the bed, walking around, and leaning on Nathan. Nothing helped me. All I could do was cry. I'm such a baby when it comes to pain. By this time, I was incredibly hungry but with all the pain I was feeling there was no way I could eat. My dad brought us Burger King but I couldn't even bring myself to take one bite. After a little over an hour of sitting in the room we headed back to Labor and Delivery to get more fetal monitoring and to check my dialation.
My contrations were strong and close together, some of them were even off of the chart. At points they were even one right after the other, no break. I remember having one that was close to 3 minutes long. I thought that I was going to die. I was dialated to about a 4. The midwife could tell I was in a lot of pain so she asked if I wanted an epidural. All throughout my pregnancy I knew I wanted to do it natural. Mostly because he was my first child and I wanted to feel everything, but also because I have heard many horrible things associated with epidurals. So they called the Patient Liason Officer to come talk to me. She had me sign some papers saying that I could get medicine if needed and so forth. She also explained that there was a shot that I could get that was sort of like a stronger version of Tylenol or Motrin. It wasn't going to take my pain away or have any side effects on the baby, but it would help dull what I was feeling. I decided to go ahead with that, they administered the shot into the side of my hip. I was also warned that it would probably make me sick. The medicine helped a little bit. I was able to relax long enough to get short breaks in between my contractions.
Around 2 pm my doctor came in to check on me. He checked me and informed me I was at 6 cm but I wasn't progressing fast enough. He also told me that my water still had not broke and so he was going to break it for me. As soon as he did I felt most of the pressure just go away. It also made my contractions much worse. I remember getting sick a few times and I remember every time I'd have another contraction I'd sit up on the bed or the ball and I'd hold onto the bar above me and rock back and forth. It was the only thing that helped even a tiny bit.
The midwife came back in and checked my dialation about an hour later. I was at an 8. She asked me if I'd like to sit in the tub, that it might help. I decided that sounded like a good idea. She told me I'd have to wait a few minutes though because there was someone already using it. That was fine. I started to feel somewhat better, I was excited to get into the water. I had briefly thought about a water birth so maybe things were going to work out. Unfortunately, upon hearing the news, my doctor said "absolutely not". He told me that since my baby was measuring big and I was small, they may have to do an emergency C-Section. It would be harder for me to go from the water to the operating room quickly so I was out of luck.
It was probably better for me anyways because within that hour I went from an 8 to a 10. The doctor actually had to help me get to 10 cm because I started feeling the urge to push. The midwife told me I needed to lay on my left side to make sure the babies head could turn and get through. Being told you can no move until it was time to push just made things feel worse. The PLO came back in and asked if I'd like another shot in my side. I said yes so she got someone to administer it. It helped a little bit but by this time I was drained. It had been 10 hours since my contractions began, I had eaten anything, everything I drank came back up. I didn't want to go through this anymore. I remember I kept saying "I can't do this" and "I really wish I had the epidural" and things of that nature about this time. I wanted to just die. Then the doctor came in and told me it was time to start pushing. Perfect timing. It had only been about 30 minutes since I was told I couldn't go into the water, but it felt like it took 4 hours. I was lucky, the 8 to 10 went quickly, some people wait forever.
I started pushing between 3:40 and 3:45 pm. Noah's head was quite huge and so we were having a hard time getting him through. I pushed and pushed but apparently I am a little person haha. The doctor asked the nurse to go get the vacuum from down the hall. She must not have found it because she came back about a minute later with nothing. The doctor started yelling at her, I didn't know what was said but I could tell he was furious. It was kinda funny. He managed to get it within 30 seconds. So he was there with the vacuum while one midwife sat next to him and the other leaned on my stomach to help me push. I ended up having to get an episiotomy and then tearing even further. Within 2 minutes Noah was out and getting cleaned up. Born at 3:58 pm, a little under 11 hours of labor. 
I remember the first time I heard him cry. Nathan went over and watched him while they took his measurements and wrapped him up. They brought him to me so I could hold him for a few seconds before getting sewn back together. It was the most amazing feeling. After months of waiting for him to finally be here, there he was, in my arms. That was the best moment of my life. I still remember that feeling so vividly. I really hope that it never goes away. I love my baby so much! He's so beautiful and fun. He fits into our family perfectly. I truly have a wonderful family and a wonderful life!

Wednesday, June 1, 2011


So, I'm completely, totally, 100% sick. I can usually feel it coming on a few days ahead of time and I try to make sure I get rest and do those sorts of things to prevent it from taking over my body. Unfortunately, my efforts did not work. Here I am, throat swollen, eyes watery, head pounding, and just drained. I wish I could crawl into bed and sleep the day away. I have a child to take care of though. He's a good kid, I'm lucky for that.

I just hope it passes soon. We have a morale party on Saturday and Monday we leave for Italy.
I cannot express to you how stoked I am for Italy. I hate using the word stoked because it sounds funny coming out of my mouth but I honestly cannot think of a better word to describe my feelings.. without looking something up that is. I'm also very glad we decided to bring Noah with us this time. He's apart of our family so he deserves to go on "family trips". I just keep thinking beaches, beaches, beaches!

We recently have been trying to decide whether we want to go back to California or Spain in August. We'd really like to go back and see Patience and Audrey and all the rest of the family.. but there are so many other factors in deciding. Like one is school. Nathan hasn't decided if he wants to take online classes or not. If he takes face to face classes then he'd miss the first few weeks of the semester. The school he goes to has short semesters as it is (8 weeks) so he'd end up missing a lot. We could go for two weeks in between semesters but he is trying to take a week long class down in Berlin which is the week before fall semester starts, that would only leave us with a week. There is no way we are going to spend that much money to fly back for a week. We may end up going to Barcelona instead.. but we'll see. It'd be nice to go back. Nathan hasn't been back since we had our wedding which by then will be almost 2 years. I don't know, things to think about.

I got accepted into Sullivan University. I start in the fall, all online. I'm excited to get back into school. I think I am finally to the point where it is something that I want rather than something I feel I need to do. More motivation will hopefully equal greater success.